A miserable time
May 7, 2012 11:32:49 GMT
Post by liziJ on May 7, 2012 11:32:49 GMT
OK, so I need to have a good rant but I have a feeling this is gonna take a while - so please don't feel obligated to read it all! I'm sure it'll be therapeutic enough just to get it all off my chest ...
So I've had such a terrible couple of weeks. Just under two weeks ago we had the awful, awful news that my uncle's cancer was terminal. He was first diagnosed with lymphoma a couple of years ago but a looooong time of intensive chemo seemed to knock it on the head. He was told that if he could stay in remission for 2 years he had a very good prognosis. But 18 months later it was back and this time the chemo didn't work, so he had a stem cell transplant. It was a very traumatic and lengthy procedure and took months to recover from.
In February this year he was finally given the great news that he was in remission. A month later he became very ill and was admitted to hospital with severe pneumonia. Within a week he was told the lymphoma was back and they couldn't think about starting chemo because he was too weak from the pneumonia. Once they finally got that more under control they started him on chemo but he had allergic reactions to it and they had to stop.
This then led to him being told two weeks ago that it was terminal and he only had months left. The next day his consultant returned with the news that it wasn't months after all - he had days or possibly a week or two. One week later he died (last Weds).
That week was hell - I cried all week, didn't sleep at all but instead sat in bed holding my phone, waiting for it to ring with the news I was dreading. And now I just can't believe he's gone. My family is exceptionally close and I'm devastated to have lost him and heartbroken for my aunt and cousins.
Then followed a truly awful few days. In Judaism we bury people as quickly as possible so the funeral was on Friday. The funeral is followed by seven days of the mourners "sitting shiva" - basically they mourn at home and all their friends and family are with them for a week to comfort them, with prayers in their home each evening. We don't do this on the Sabbath (which for us is on Friday evenings and Saturday) so the first day of shiva was yesterday (Sunday).
Unfortunately yesterday was also my grandfather's stone-setting. This is a Jewish custom which takes place a year after someone dies, in which the headstone is placed at the grave and there is a service at the cemetary to remember the person and "unveil" the headstone. So it meant that having buried my uncle on Friday I was back at the same cemetary two days later to remember my lovely Poppa. It was very overwhelming. Usually a stonesetting would be followed by all getting together at someone's house to reminisce about Poppa and spend the day with people who loved him. But of course my parents and I were torn - spend the day with Dad's family remembering and honouring Poppa, or leave early to be with Mum's family to support my aunt for the first night of the shiva? In the end we drove from the cemetary to Dad's brother's house (an hour drive away) to spend an hour with Dad's family. I'd never been to this uncle's house before - it's a lovely 17th century farmhouse in the middle of nowhere. Unfortunately I also turned out to be allergic to it - whether it was all the old fireplaces or something I don't know. But I basically spent an hour there coughing and wheezing (listening to all the "hilarious" comments: "You should give up the cigarettes! Hahahaha!" "Can't you find somewhere to die quietly? Hahahaha!")
I then left to go to my Aunt's house for the shiva. Because I've got a courtesy car at the moment (mine's in for repair following our accident) I found the sat nav confusing, but it seemed to be saying it was going to direct me to my Aunt's house. I had no idea how to get there so had to completely rely on the sat nav. I was coughing violently and wheezing the whole way - nearly an hour later it said I was almost there, until I realised I was turning back into the road where the cemetary was. It had taken me back there, instead of to my aunt's house (which was a 40-min drive from the cemetary).
By then I had been coughing so violently I'd strained a previous back injury and was in so much pain I could hardly breathe. I tried to head back to my aunt's house but was in such a hysterical state that I had to admit defeat and go home. Thank G-d one of our closest friends is also our chiropractor, so I ended up going to his house where his wife plied me with wine and they both looked after me.
I eventually got home and had dinner at 10pm. After having to make the impossible decision between honouring my Poppa at his stonesetting and supporting my Aunt at the shiva, I'd ended up doing neither. Today I just feel exhausted and utterly miserable.
OK, I think that's all I needed to get off my chest. If anyone has actually stuck with this rant to the end - thank you! I did warn you it would be a long one.
Lizi x
So I've had such a terrible couple of weeks. Just under two weeks ago we had the awful, awful news that my uncle's cancer was terminal. He was first diagnosed with lymphoma a couple of years ago but a looooong time of intensive chemo seemed to knock it on the head. He was told that if he could stay in remission for 2 years he had a very good prognosis. But 18 months later it was back and this time the chemo didn't work, so he had a stem cell transplant. It was a very traumatic and lengthy procedure and took months to recover from.
In February this year he was finally given the great news that he was in remission. A month later he became very ill and was admitted to hospital with severe pneumonia. Within a week he was told the lymphoma was back and they couldn't think about starting chemo because he was too weak from the pneumonia. Once they finally got that more under control they started him on chemo but he had allergic reactions to it and they had to stop.
This then led to him being told two weeks ago that it was terminal and he only had months left. The next day his consultant returned with the news that it wasn't months after all - he had days or possibly a week or two. One week later he died (last Weds).
That week was hell - I cried all week, didn't sleep at all but instead sat in bed holding my phone, waiting for it to ring with the news I was dreading. And now I just can't believe he's gone. My family is exceptionally close and I'm devastated to have lost him and heartbroken for my aunt and cousins.
Then followed a truly awful few days. In Judaism we bury people as quickly as possible so the funeral was on Friday. The funeral is followed by seven days of the mourners "sitting shiva" - basically they mourn at home and all their friends and family are with them for a week to comfort them, with prayers in their home each evening. We don't do this on the Sabbath (which for us is on Friday evenings and Saturday) so the first day of shiva was yesterday (Sunday).
Unfortunately yesterday was also my grandfather's stone-setting. This is a Jewish custom which takes place a year after someone dies, in which the headstone is placed at the grave and there is a service at the cemetary to remember the person and "unveil" the headstone. So it meant that having buried my uncle on Friday I was back at the same cemetary two days later to remember my lovely Poppa. It was very overwhelming. Usually a stonesetting would be followed by all getting together at someone's house to reminisce about Poppa and spend the day with people who loved him. But of course my parents and I were torn - spend the day with Dad's family remembering and honouring Poppa, or leave early to be with Mum's family to support my aunt for the first night of the shiva? In the end we drove from the cemetary to Dad's brother's house (an hour drive away) to spend an hour with Dad's family. I'd never been to this uncle's house before - it's a lovely 17th century farmhouse in the middle of nowhere. Unfortunately I also turned out to be allergic to it - whether it was all the old fireplaces or something I don't know. But I basically spent an hour there coughing and wheezing (listening to all the "hilarious" comments: "You should give up the cigarettes! Hahahaha!" "Can't you find somewhere to die quietly? Hahahaha!")
I then left to go to my Aunt's house for the shiva. Because I've got a courtesy car at the moment (mine's in for repair following our accident) I found the sat nav confusing, but it seemed to be saying it was going to direct me to my Aunt's house. I had no idea how to get there so had to completely rely on the sat nav. I was coughing violently and wheezing the whole way - nearly an hour later it said I was almost there, until I realised I was turning back into the road where the cemetary was. It had taken me back there, instead of to my aunt's house (which was a 40-min drive from the cemetary).
By then I had been coughing so violently I'd strained a previous back injury and was in so much pain I could hardly breathe. I tried to head back to my aunt's house but was in such a hysterical state that I had to admit defeat and go home. Thank G-d one of our closest friends is also our chiropractor, so I ended up going to his house where his wife plied me with wine and they both looked after me.
I eventually got home and had dinner at 10pm. After having to make the impossible decision between honouring my Poppa at his stonesetting and supporting my Aunt at the shiva, I'd ended up doing neither. Today I just feel exhausted and utterly miserable.
OK, I think that's all I needed to get off my chest. If anyone has actually stuck with this rant to the end - thank you! I did warn you it would be a long one.
Lizi x
