Relationships
Apr 25, 2012 10:31:21 GMT
Post by beckag87 on Apr 25, 2012 10:31:21 GMT
Hi all,
Did anyone else change/have moments of depression/be completely down in the dumps in a way that no one else could understand? Just before I was diagnosed with PAD, my boyfriend (now ex) said that I was a completely different person to the one he'd known before and that he didn't love me anymore.
From November 2011 to March this year I feel like I completely lost myself. Everyday I was in agonising pain, I didn't sleep and I was having to take a ton of painkillers including oramorph for my neuropathy. I know that I wasn't myself but I don't think I could have changed that dramatically.
I am devastated about some of the things that I said/did in this period - utterly out of character but I did them nonetheless. There were times when I would stay awake for 72 hours straight. He left me when I needed him most, which perhaps was a blessing in disguise - my friends who were around me at the time just said that it was obvious that all he wanted was to be young and carefree. He put it "we're not married, you're not my responsibility". I didn't expect that from someone I loved but equally I understand that its exceptionally hard on our partners and loved ones.
I'm not an angel but I don't think I was difficult aside from a few days where I felt like I had no fight left. One evening he said that I'd taken too many painkillers (I'd taken 10% more than usual), called an ambulance, got me there and then turned and walked off, leaving me lying in hospital. That was the final nail in the coffin. It took me a while to understand but I now know that this was the easiest way out for him.
Hearing about all of the marvelous support you have, I know that I am better off without him as he only ever made me feel guilty about being ill. I miss him so much though as despite not understanding how I felt at all, I know that he at least tried a lot of the time. He just wanted an easy life and at 28 years young how could I blame him.
Feeling a little bit sorry for myself today which is not something that I usually do but I'm finding that it helps to cry every now and then.
Becks
Did anyone else change/have moments of depression/be completely down in the dumps in a way that no one else could understand? Just before I was diagnosed with PAD, my boyfriend (now ex) said that I was a completely different person to the one he'd known before and that he didn't love me anymore.
From November 2011 to March this year I feel like I completely lost myself. Everyday I was in agonising pain, I didn't sleep and I was having to take a ton of painkillers including oramorph for my neuropathy. I know that I wasn't myself but I don't think I could have changed that dramatically.
I am devastated about some of the things that I said/did in this period - utterly out of character but I did them nonetheless. There were times when I would stay awake for 72 hours straight. He left me when I needed him most, which perhaps was a blessing in disguise - my friends who were around me at the time just said that it was obvious that all he wanted was to be young and carefree. He put it "we're not married, you're not my responsibility". I didn't expect that from someone I loved but equally I understand that its exceptionally hard on our partners and loved ones.
I'm not an angel but I don't think I was difficult aside from a few days where I felt like I had no fight left. One evening he said that I'd taken too many painkillers (I'd taken 10% more than usual), called an ambulance, got me there and then turned and walked off, leaving me lying in hospital. That was the final nail in the coffin. It took me a while to understand but I now know that this was the easiest way out for him.
Hearing about all of the marvelous support you have, I know that I am better off without him as he only ever made me feel guilty about being ill. I miss him so much though as despite not understanding how I felt at all, I know that he at least tried a lot of the time. He just wanted an easy life and at 28 years young how could I blame him.
Feeling a little bit sorry for myself today which is not something that I usually do but I'm finding that it helps to cry every now and then.
Becks